Brady’s Blog

what is that smell coming from behind my shed you ask?
well..first..let me just say..i don’t like cats very much..
cute little kittens are fine..lions and tigers look cool on tv..
but fat neighbor cats that use my front lawn for a litter box - i just don’t really see a need for them..

[speaking of that - let's say you have cats and you have a litter box, but there's never any 'litter' in the box..what do you think is happening there? do you think you have magic cats that don't poop? they're not magic - they're pooping in your neighbor's yard..]

so.. i know what you’re thinking — “omg, he killed his neighbor’s cat and threw it behind the shed”

that’s not what happened..

on thursday, my mom was over and she was swinging in the hammock in the back yard with one of the kids - not too far from the shed..
when they came inside she mentioned that there was a smell comin from the shed area and it smelled like something died..
i didn’t think too much of it - we have an open field behind our house - cattle, goats, opossum, etc - wouldn’t be the first time something died back there within nose-shot..

friday and saturday were both very hot and muggy - perfect decomposition weather..

saturday i decide i better investigate in case the smell is coming from inside the shed..it’s not..
now this cat was fat when it was alive - but dead and bloated behind my shed it looks more like a small jaguar than a house cat..legs sticking straight out, oozing, some of the skin peeled back as evidence of its new appetizer status in the animal world..

so ashley goes next door for a face to face - couldn’t have been more formal if we’d had the highway patrol show up to do the ‘next-of-kin’ thing..

ashley: “are you missing one of your cats?”
neighbor: “yeah..is he dead?”
ashley: “i’m so sorry”

now, i had already tried to call them on saturday - they live next door - but i was gonna call them to say something like:
“uh..your dead cat is starting to smell up my yard..”

that’s why we keep ashley around, of course..for times when we need tact..

yesterday the neighbor comes over (much to his credit) and secrets away the deceased (with shovel and trash can) so as to avoid the kid’s having to see it..
i step out to say hey as he’s dragging him off..
cracker: (convincingly) “hey, sorry bout the cat”
neighbor: “ah..sorry you had to smell it”
cracker: “nah..thanks for doin that (gestures to trash can)”
neighbor: “no problem”

and there, on the fence, behind the neighbor, is the remaining cat..
we engaged in the following cat mind-speak conversation..

cat: “you kill that cat?”
cracker: “maybe..caught him poopin in my front yard..more than once”
cat: “and for that, you kill him and throw him out behind your shed?”
cracker: “that’s how i roll..”
cat: “you wanna know how i roll?”
cracker: “sure cat, tell me how you roll”
cat: “go check your front yard”

This entry was posted on Monday, August 15th, 2005 at 9:34 am and is filed under journal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.