Brady’s Blog

dear electricity,

you are so precious to me..

i know i take you for granted.. i do that.. i know that now..

when you left on tuesday i thought i knew.. knew what you really meant to me..

but you came right back.. and it was right back to business as usual..

and then you walked out again.. and you stayed gone..

and then i saw it..

i used you.. i’m a user.. i’m learning that now..

but i’m also learning how to love..

your warmth..

the way you light up a room..

the way you power a 42″ toshiba regza television..

the way you keep taco meat warm - either in a pan on the electric stove, or in a crock pot..

you are a true masterpiece..

a thing of beauty and grace..

i will never devalue you or mistreat you again..

you don’t deserve that..

i love you dearly and can’t wait to spend some time together this summer when it is way too hot outside..

love,

brady

well..

i said i like bad weather..

and um.. we got some..

i’ll post some pictures tomorrow..

until then, just go to the fridge, put the ice maker on crush, dump a bunch of that into a cup, and throw it in your face..

that’s our town..

earlier today we lived in a lovely tree-lined neighborhood..

now it looks like a giant stomped through the place..

but we are safe and warm..

and will not complain..

i like bad weather..

i can’t help it..

if it’s not raining in the summer, i want it to rain..

if it’s not snowing in the winter, i’m constantly hoping for snow..

sometimes it makes people really angry to hear me say that..

like sincerely mad..

at me..

as if our weather wishes are at odds and i am the only thing standing between them and a sunny day..

people..

i do not control the weather..

i probably could..

if it wasn’t for the queen b..

but i can’t..

if i could control the weather, we wouldn’t have bad weather all the time..

here’s the year in weather if i could actually control it..

january opens with a blizzard.. tons of big, lumpy snow piles everywhere you look.. cold.. but not ridiculous..

february is cold.. there’s still snow.. but it’s just crunchy, miserable, frozen slush snow.. the whole month.. the high for the month of february is four degrees fahrenheit..

march is blustery.. windy.. a couple of surprise large snow storms that melt quickly.. the twentieth day of march it is sixty five and beautiful.. exquisite..

then it rains for two months.. the high for that two months is fifty..

june is sunny all weekend long every weekend and pours down rain all week.. and hot..

same with july.. only hotter..

same with august.. only hotter..

september.. same deal.. except is also rains on labor day (even i can’t change that)..

october is a month full of rain at a steady forty eight degrees except for halloween night which is cool, dry, and perfect..

november and december it snows.. and stays about thirty one the whole time..

that’s how i’d do it..

i found out yesterday my father-in-law once held his sister’s boyfriend upside down in a barrel of water because he didn’t want him dating his sister..

the boyfriend was the one telling me the story..

which kind of killed the suspense..

they’ve been married for thirty plus years now..

it was kind of a funny story until he got to the part where he really thought he was going to be drowned..

then it was even funnier..

made me very glad i asked for my wife’s hand in marriage ahead of time..

look people..

when i said we should kill all the firemen in the world..

that was a joke..

but seriously.. weathermen?

i don’t know if we should kill them all or not..

but i do know we should definitely try..

and i also know if we succeed we should be rewarded instead of prosecuted..

so.. i guess i am saying we should kill them all..

and we should probably do it today..

my only regret is we couldn’t have killed them all before wednesday night when one of them told me the low was going to be 32 when in fact it got down to 21..

that’s a big difference folks..

and you know when that guy was setting the low he probably thought it might only get down to 42.. but he set it 10 degrees lower to be safe..

so he’s actually off anywhere from 10 to 20 degrees..

so yes..

i say we kill them all..

you guys are on your own for weaponry, etc..

i’m going to use a 22..

this is not funny.. so i’ll keep it brief..

stewart, nine years old and our oldest child, has been working on a school project involving genealogy..

which meant i had some “’splainin’ to do” on the subject of his paternal grandfather..

he had already written down my dad’s name on that line..

but i felt i needed to tell him about my biological father..

so i did..

i fully expected him at that point to turn his pencil over, dig in with the eraser end, and straighten things out.. which i would then explain to him was unnecessary since my “dad” is my “dad”, etc..

this didn’t happen..

he just shrugged and went on filling out the information, accepting the whole biological father business as ancillary to the subject of genealogy and family..

i promised to keep it short..

and that’s really all there is to it..

what tormented me for thirty years is little more than “oh well” for him..

maybe that won’t always be the case..

but for now at least..

which is good enough for me..

i guess i owe you a joke if we’re going to stick to the rules of the game here..

let’s see..

can someone tell me why schwan’s uses a swan for their logo?

schwan is undoubtedly someone’s name, right?

and i doubt that person is a bird..

isn’t this a bit like dell using a bell for their symbol?

there..

technically speaking..

that is a joke..

i went to the doctor today..

the only thing i dislike more than going to the doctor is throwing up at work..

i did that yesterday..

which is why i went to the doctor today..

he told me i have meniere’s disease..

which is what i told a different doctor about two doctors ago..

meniere’s is an inner ear abnormality which can cause tinnitus, hearing loss, dizziness, vertigo, nausea, and, of course, throwing up at work..

there’s no cure.. but it’s not life-threatening or anything..

unless i have a vertigo attack while i’m base jumping or something..

the main thing i’m supposed to do is cut my salt intake..

the doctor asked if i ate a lot of salt..

i thought about that quite a bit today and i don’t think most of my meals are particularly high in sodium.. they’re just usually extremely high in food.. which has sodium in it as it turns out..

so.. for instance.. if i get some bacon that has salt in it..

and then i eat four pounds of that bacon..

then i’m getting a lot of salt..

so i’m back to not eating ridiculous amounts of food..

boring..

while at dinner tonight the subject of fasting came up..

there were some folks at the table who had completed multiple fasts of more than ten days.. one had even done a forty day fast..

i thought the idea of fasting sounded pretty interesting..

i pondered it all during the salad course..

then, when the entree arrived, i spent some time chewing shrimp and thinking about fasting..

i didn’t have dessert..

which is technically a fast..

with that weak joke behind us i can say it actually was kind of interesting..

i like to experiment with things like this some - just to see what will happen..

besides, a fast can’t make my body any more uncomfortable than eating fifty one nuggets..

yes that is ice..

yes i am super smart..

they are having a weight loss contest here at work..

i say “they” because i am not participating..

i am not participating for the following reasons..

it involves weight loss..

and it involves participating..

but i have been having fun making fun of the people who are participating..

for instance, one of the larger participants told us she could “easily” lose 25% of her body weight in the 6 month time period..

so.. i said.. “well then.. i guess the question is..”

and then i waited..

and she finally said “then why haven’t i done it before now?”

“umm.. yes.. i guess that’s the question that comes to mind..” i said..

she walked away.. angry for some reason i think..

i’m pretty sure she’s not going to win..

another contestant told me “i’m going to win.. because when i set my mind to do something.. i do it..”

i always like to hear people say something like that..

i especially like to remind them they said it.. later.. after they’ve failed at whatever it was they set their mind to do..

the great thing about the contest they have going on here is the rules.. because as far as i can tell.. there aren’t any..

i asked one of the contestants if there was anything to keep someone from having surgery or liposuction or 4 babies to drop weight during that 6 months and she said no..

and there’s cash money involved.. over $600 and it’s winner take all..

so..

what this all means..

if we’re lucky..

is in about 6 months there will be a bunch of people here inducing vomiting, taking laxatives, and hacking off limbs trying to win that money..

if we’re lucky..

and i’m going to be lucky this time..

i’ve totally set my mind to it..