Brady’s Blog

it’s been transition time for me lately..

friday was my last day at my old job..

normally when someone leaves there they take that person out to lunch and everybody tells “member when” stories..

like “um.. ‘member when you blahbitty blah blah..”

they asked me if i’d like that for my going away lunch..

i decided on something a little better..

we ordered in pizza to the office and watched jericho on the big screen in the conference room..

and i must say, as shocking as it was for the uninitiated in the room to hear this said, it was honestly the best episode of jericho to air to date..

that is to say there was gun play and murder..

now if you asked me why there was violence in jericho this time around i would of course be hard pressed to answer..

something about salt..

basically jericho is all about salt.. who’s got salt and who wants salt and who can protect the salt..

salt..

so, if in anticipation of nuclear war, you happen to be stockpiling pepper.. the very talented writers of jericho would like to let you know you’re missing the mark..

so that was the last day of my last job..

and today was my first day at a new job..

that is such a strange experience, and one i haven’t had in just under eight years..

you just don’t think about all the things about a certain place that you get used to..

or about how much you train yourself to do things a specific way over time..

things that seem perfectly normal in the old environment suddenly seem awkward or just inappropriate..

for instance, the email signature or signoff..

at my old job, i ended most inter-office correspondence by simply typing my first initial..

at my new job, the reader would assume i was shot and killed while starting the next sentence and accidentally hit send as i was dying..

that would be more plausible than to think someone just signed an email with a single lowercase letter..

but at the same time, many of the people at the new place have known me for quite a while and would find it very strange for me to have a formal signature or to sign off with my full name or something..

that would seem just as odd..

after much deliberation, i think i’ve decided to just sign internal mail with my first name and then have a company signature on outside stuff..

seems reasonable..

also i went all day today without a single person calling me cracker..

that was a little weird..

and the new place is a non-profit organization too..

that’s totally strange to me..

it’s like “wait what? we’re not trying to make money? well then what in the wide wide world of sports are we even doing– oh yeah.. the cancer patients..”

we went camping this weekend..

set out friday night for steel creek near ponca, arkansas on the buffalo river..

we floated the buffalo yesterday..

39 of us..

27 utes and 12 adults by my count..

perfect weather..

perfect water..

great time..

by bedtime last night i was completely covered in dust and dirt and ashes from the fire, grease from the bacon and other camp food, and sweat and every other kind of stink you can imagine..

i ran a baby wipe over my head and neck in place of a shower before bed last night..

this, of course, only served to put a nice healthy shine on the top layer of filth..

by the time we struck camp, loaded everything and everybody and made it back to town, i smelled like a mule..

or whatever a mule says a mule smells like when a mule is trying to tell you it smells way worse than a mule..

i smelled bad..

so when we got home i took a shower..

and aren’t those just the best showers?

the ones where you start washing yourself and wonder “is that going to clog the drain?”

and you use all the scrubbers and scrapers and brushes your wife keeps in the shower..

things that you had thought might actually be gardening tools she left in there by accident..

but at that point it doesn’t matter if they are..

essentially, the kind of shower whereof the “repeat” of “lather, rinse, repeat” was born..

i love those showers..

work smarter, not harder..

that’s one of those things you hear people say when they want to sound smart..

like “you dummies can keep being dumb, but i’m going to do it this way..”

i made the mistake of using this phrase in the presence of my father many years ago..

his reply was “that’s something you usually hear from people who don’t work very hard..”

that’s stuck with me..

and since then, even if i’m thinking it, i try not to say it..

and i really have noticed that he was right..

usually when someone says “work smarter not harder”, he is trying to sound smart when in fact he’s just lazy..

i was telling someone about this just the other day.. about how my father had reprimanded me for employing that slogan..

and then just a couple days later, that person and i were in the presence of a third person who uttered that exact expression in the exact manner which i have described..

i like that about life and language and how things work..

you don’t hear something for years, then the exact phrase comes up in conversation twice in a matter of a couple of days..

and in a way that affords you a smile and a knowing nod between friends..

funny..

we are taking a youth group camping and floating this weekend - about 40 folks in all at last count..

davis and i cracked 15 dozen eggs this evening..

i taught him how to crack them with one hand - he was really getting the hang of it on about the 40th egg..

on a similar trip around this time last year we got over 5 inches of rain overnight and had to bag the float and the second night of camping..

this year mrs. cracker is going with us so it will take a lot less rain than that to send us scrambling for home..

sugar and spice you know..

davis and claire are still a little young for river floating so they’ll be staying with my folks..

i didn’t know mrs. cracker had already told them about this and i was attempting to break the news to the two of them while she was out this evening running errands..

daddy: “hey guys.. listen.. i need to tell you something..”

davis/claire in unison: “what is it daddy?”

daddy: “well. it’s about this weekend..”

davis: “yeah?”

daddy: “yeah.. it’s about our plans for the weekend..”

about then davis remembered he already knew what i was about to say..

davis: “um.. we’re going to the lake house and you’re going camping..”

daddy: (playfully, realizing mrs. cracker had already done the dirty work) “wow davis! how did you know that?”

davis: (in his best future smart@$$ of america voice) “oh, i just guessed it..”

a few months ago the company for which i am currently employed invested in a nintendo wii for the office..

stress relief, relaxation, etc..

my favorite wii game is golf..

it’s just a 9 hole course but there’s a lot of risk/reward holes and it’s really quite fun..

i mastered it pretty early on and even posted an office best 9 under a few weeks ago..

then damon came along and pinned a 10 under..

and just to add insult to injury he did it while playing against me - and i didn’t even notice the score until we finished and he said “hmm.. i believe that’s a new record cracker..”

and until today i honestly thought i could not beat that score..

i have been playing as much as possible lately just hoping to tie the minus 10..

i had two 9 under rounds this morning, barely missing two putts in each round and really beginning to feel the pressure..

i should take a moment here to address a sentiment which many of you have expressed to me in recent days and weeks..

and that is the concern that i have been spoiled by the cushy, laid back job i’ve had for the past 8 years..

it usually sounds something like this..

“cracker.. how in the world are you going to hold down a job where you’re expected to actually work all day?”

i am hear to tell you the answer to that question is simple..

i have no idea..

anyway, back to the story..

i only have two days left at this job, so the time pressure really began to mount today..

i was starting to envision a scenario wherein the guys would come in next week and find me passed out on the floor after wrestling the wii golf gods all night..

but today it happened..

i beat 10 under..

i eagled the first two par fives, birdied everything else and came into number nine at 10 under par..

the wind was in my face on 9, but i managed to just miss the green in two, barely miss the eagle chip-in, and birdie for the record minus 11 score..

and now my life can go on..

unless damon scores a 12 under..

in which case i will have to kill him..

as i have mentioned, i’m playing on a church softball team this year..

if anyone is interested we still have some roster positions to fill..

so far we have someone on pulled hamstring, dislocated shoulder, stiff neck, bruised ribs, twisted back, sore knee, and sprained ankle..

that leaves us needing guys on smashed foot, wrenched elbow, lacerated face, and fractured skull..

you know.. the skill positions..

all kidding aside, we are pretty banged up for a team that’s only played two games..

but we’re having fun anyway..

one of the enjoyable things for me about being at the ballpark has been seeing my kids running around playing in the mud, fighting, chasing foul balls, and running the bases between games like i did when i was a kid..

a lot of my youth was spent following dad from ball field to ball field, eating hot dogs and snow cones and getting filthy..

and there’s nothing better than falling asleep on the way home from the ballpark completely ragged out and exhausted from playing and running so hard..

and there’s nothing more difficult than trying to drag that same slumber-swept kid out of the back seat and into bed without dropping him on the garage floor or knocking his head against at least one door frame..

that’s probably where all those mysterious injuries come from when you’re a kid..

when your mom says “honey, what did you do to your leg?”

and you look down and think “i don’t remember smacking my leg hard enough to leave a bruise like that..”

and now..

stew will read this..

and never fall asleep in the car again..

i have hinted at this some here so i might as well go ahead and make it official..

i am changing jobs..

i know what some of you are thinking..

what is he even qualified to do?

shoe shine boy?

trash collector?

taste tester?

point taken..

but actually, it’s a real job..

i think i’ll refrain from mentioning the company name for now..

just in case..

they may not want their name associated with every single thing i’ve ever written here..

the more i think about it.. yeah..

i’m going to guess they wouldn’t..

if you have irish heritage as i do, you’re supposed to love the sound of bagpipes..

the sound of “the pipes” is supposed to stir your very soul..

i for one think the hideous screeching, whining sound they make is among the worst produced by any musical instrument..

in fact, to call such a device an instrument at all is quite a stretch..

you might as well declare a metal rake being dragged across a chalkboard to be a musical instrument..

the sounds are equally pleasing..

for some reason, the setting in which people most often wish to hear this sound is, of course, the funeral..

i think the idea here is to afford the deceased the great pleasure of not being alive to hear such a wretched snarl of noise..

like “hey, you don’t get to live any more but look on the bright side - you don’t have to hear bagpipes”

either that or the pipes produce the one sound in the world harsh and piercing enough to reach the ears of the dead..

all i know is they sound foul..

my wife on the other hand loves bagpipes..

maybe her people were highlanders and mine were more the seafaring irishmen..

who knows..

we both like potatoes..

ok..

one more time around on the imus wheel..

i have one more thing to say on this that i think is not really being posited “out there”..

and that is this..

it’s his own fault he lost his job..

and i’m not talking about his initial comments..

i’m talking about what he did after that..

and what he did after that was cower to the pressure and go out of his way to point out how foul and disgusting his own actions were..

what he should have said was “it was a joke” and then left it at that..

offering 15 apologies, each one more self-flagellating than the one before, only served up plenty of rope with which he could be hung..

simply saying “it was a joke” wouldn’t have made what he said any less offensive to those who were offended..

and it wouldn’t have made it “ok”..

but it would have gone a long way toward helping people see through the smoke screen of media assertions suggesting that he was in fact a racist who’s real feelings were seeping through to the surface..

i think that’s where he made his largest mistake here..

he assumed everyone knew him..

he assumed everyone knew the deal.. that he says things to get a reaction and then apologizes profusely and beats himself up about it and then does it again..

that’s the deal..

that’s what every single morning radio person has been doing since the first person discovered a radio could be turned on in the morning..

like most people, i’m angered by this story..

but i’m most angry at imus himself..

i feel like he wasted an excellent opportunity to thwart the foolish philosophy so prevalent today which suggests we are all just a spoken word away from having our lives ruined and our very souls destroyed by some other person..

if he had just said “it was a joke”

then we could have all said “not funny”

and gone on with our day..

i really need to get an anonymous blog..

or at least one my kids don’t read..

i’ve had some great ones lately that just can’t be published here..

if you see me, ask me about my “i’m not going to miss that guy” line..

you’ll be appalled..

i know i was..

i realize this post makes no sense and is only a tease at best..

that’s just the way it goes sometimes..

sorry..