Brady’s Blog

yesterday’s post about melissaphobia brought to my mind one of my first childhood crushes..

a girl name melissa cavender..

and yes, i had melissaphobia even back then..

i was scared of her because i liked her, but i was also scared of her because she was really tall..

her brother, greg cavender played center for the mizzou tigers basketball team for a while..

i googled him and found not a great deal, though he’s mentioned here as having helped steve stipanovich beat ralph samson’s virginia team..

he was about 6′11″ or so and i think he shot his free throws underhand for a while - he was one of the worst free throw shooters in the history of throws that are free..

strange thing is, melissaphobia made me think of melissa cavender and melissa cavender made me think of cavender’s greek seasoning..

we love cavender’s at our house, especially just outside of our house where the grill is..

good stuff people.. good stuff..

trust me on this one..

if you ever run out of cavender’s, you can use lawry’s or something but you’d be better served to start a fire with the lawry’s, burn your house down and use the insurance money to buy some cavender’s..

also..

good on popcorn..

which i don’t eat anymore..

what is it with me and bees?

now i’m having dreams about them..

i woke up around 2 this morning yelling “bees!!”..

mrs. cracker was a lot of help, of course.. zzzzzzzz

in my dream i was at a party or some kind of gathering..

there were quite a few people there - we were inside a room but the doors leading outside were open..

in came a big swarm of bees..

and, as you would expect, the bees decided to attack me and me alone out of all the people at the party..

everyone else was pretty much oblivious to the bees - occasionally someone would swat at one as if shooing away a fly..

and all the while i was running around screaming and getting stung..

at one point i was huddled up in a ball in the corner when a bunch of the bees all got together near the ceiling..

since it was a dream, i understood perfectly what they were doing..

they were huddling up and planning their next move against me..

i could totally visualize the scene inside the bee huddle..

quarterback bee: “ok guys.. huddle up.. here we go.. 20 quickie, full stingers, on blue.. ready.. break!”

and then they came after me again..

i was trying desperately to get the attention of the other people at the party (or that of mrs. cracker - zzzzzzzz - thanks a lot..)

i was muttering “a little help here people!! beeeeees!!!”

and then i woke up..

mrs. cracker: “what are you doing?”

cracker: “bees.. bees..”

mrs. cracker: “there’s no bees.. go back to sleep..”

cracker: “bees.. beeeezzzzzz zzzzzzz”

oh, and the great part is i look up fear of bees today and find out it’s called melissaphobia of all things..

how great is that?

why not just call it youaresuchasissytheyarejustbeesphobia?

luckily, i also have spheksophobia, which sounds a lot tougher..

went to see the red wings vs. the stars last night in dallas..

stars lost after squandering about 10 really good chances to tie it up in the last 5 minutes..

it was fun though..

drew bledsoe was there signing autographs and visiting with fans..

plenty of time on his hands i guess..

we thought it would be funny to ask him a couple of questions..

like “hey drew, how bad do you want tony romo to get hurt?”..

or “hey drew, shouldn’t you be getting ready for the game this sund– oh.. never mind..”

in the end we decided not to do that..
on a related point, i can tell you drew bledsoe is pretty big..

tlb is 6′6″ (hint - tall is the “t” in “tlb”) and drew looked taller than him..

still, i was the only one in our group to notice drew even though we walked right by him..

funny thing was, i had just asked the other guys if they watched the crowd for familiar faces..

i always do this..

and i often see people i know even if i’m far from home..

i learned this habit from my dad..

we were somewhere on vacation one time when he ran into one of his old teachers or something..

mom was like “you always see someone you know.. why is that?”

dad said “i guess because i’m watching..”

good point..

finishing notes from our texas trip..

i now have in my arsenal what is perhaps one of the simplest, most annoying phrases ever spoken..

those of you who know me know i love to entertain.. myself..

and usually at the expense or complete annoyance of those around me..

this week was no different..

here’s what i was doing to keep everyone’s teeth on edge..

anytime we saw a starbucks, or anything else common, ordinary, and expected, i would cry out in a very annoying voice “that’s weird!!”..

drove everyone crazy..

and made me giggle every single time..

and that’s all that matters..

also, homer won a polycom 4000 conference phone at the very end of the conference and i totally called it..

when they started drawing for prizes, i told him “i’m going to win something..”

then, after a couple of drawings, i said “nope.. you know what? it’s you - you’re going to win..”

and he did..

which means i’m psychic..

or likely to make predictive statements all the time and be right about once a year..

“that’s weird!!”..

the four of us at this geek conference have had quite a debate this week regarding geeks and geekness..

like is it better to be a geek or a nerd?

and what’s the difference?

the debate really heated up when we started trying to decide which of us is the biggest geek..

it’s a difficult thing to argue because there are so many areas of geekiness and they all kind of overlap and intertwine..

and we all want to be geeky in a good way but don’t want to admit to the more “nerdy” aspects of our own geekhood..

i assumed i was the least geeky because i’m the dumbest, but that may not settle the issue completely..

so..

here’s what we’re going to do..

i’m going to throw out a few things about each of the four of us in question - things about us that speak to our level of geekines..

then everyone can review and compare these things (and add to or argue the points) and then decide who is the biggest geek..

so..

here we go..

homer uses pine (a text-based email program - i should point out i still use this some also)..

damon (no nickname yet but i think i’ll start calling him herman) has a house full of media servers, etc..

tlb can watch tv on his phone..

i wear glasses.. (homer wore glasses until he had lasik)..

tlb uses mac as well as windows and linux..we all use bluetooth but homer uses it the least..

i have a pc in my office setup as a radio server just so i can listen to rush limbaugh and xm radio through the same desktop stereo..

homer and i both play online games (but not a lot)..

herman, tlb, and i have ipods - homer has at least one mp3 player but not an ipod..

i have a blog..

tlb, herman and i read blogs - homer typically doesn’t..

homer remembers every number he’s ever heard or seen - credit card numbers, phone numbers, etc - go ahead and test him if you don’t believe me..

i think that’s enough to get things started..

so everyone chime in and we’ll decide who actually is the biggest geek..

i am attending astricon this week..

and man..

is it ever a geekfest..

there’s one guy here NOT wearing a bluetooth headset and that’s only because he lost his ears in a tesla coil accident and has nowhere to hang one..

(note to a reader - yes, i know.. i already used that joke in a private correspondence with you.. sorry about that.. but if there’s one thing i’ve learned over the past year of trying to write funny stuff it’s this.. if something is funny once, it’s funny twice.. and sometimes you have to reuse material.. you just don’t ever, ever, want to admit to it..)

anyway, that’s the demographic here..

hordes of geeks, about 5 females (four of which are in sales), 90% under 35, 99% of those over 35 are COMPLETE and utter nerds that make the rest of the nerds look like the marlboro man..

if any of you have ever been to a tech conference, you know what i’m talking about here..

other notes from this week..

we ate some awesome thai food last night at a place called the banana leaf..

we weren’t sure if we should go there or not, but when their website said “your health is what we care”, our minds were made up - we love to have our health cared..

homer made the mistake of saying the words “extra spicy” in a thai place and they nearly cared his health straight to the hospital, but the food was all awesome..

mrs. cracker let me know she caught a raccoon in a groundhog trap in the backyard..

which is funny because her dad and my brother both like to coon hunt..

so basically, while they’re out in the woods in the middle of the night chasing these things, she’s snagging them in our yard by accident and letting them go..

what else..

let’s see..

oh yeah..

our last session before lunch today was a dandy..

who knew horshack was so into VOIP..

go ahead, give him a listen..

in an effort to establish ourselves as the nerdiest people in the world, 3 other guys from my office and i are currently browsing and checking email (and blogging) over a wireless access point that we have plugged into a macbook that is sharing it’s bluetooth connection to the internet through a cell phone by way of bridged ethernet all while in a vehicle on our way to a voice over ip conference..

if that’s not pure geekdom my friends..

i just don’t know what is..

if you wake up one morning and think to yourself “that’s strange.. i wonder where these contusions on my legs, arms, and torso came from..”, chances are you played paintball the day before..

at least that’s what happened to me..

we went with the utes from our church..

violent little buggers they are..

i was shot in the chest at point blank range, in the back from about 20 feet multiple times, and even caught some friendly fire at one point..

did these so called “coalition forces” fire on my position on purpose?

most likely..

according to peta, fish are “complex and intelligent individuals”..

according to me, peta members aren’t..

in fact, i think we’ve just found the one argument that peta could use that would be completely irrefutable..

it goes like this..

members of peta are people..

fish are smarter than members of peta..

therefore, fish are smarter than at least one subset of people..

therefore, fish deserve protection..

how in the world could anyone argue with that logic?

of course, the reverse might work..

fish are dumb, brainless creatures and it’s ok to kill them and eat them..

peta members are dumber than fish..

therefore..

i lived with my sister for a while down in texas..

this was in between a couple of my college stints..

i was working at chili’s while my sister was working at a hardware store and i guess probably doing the college thing herself..

whatever she was doing, it must have left her a little short of walking around money because she stole from me constantly..

she was pretty sneaky about it too..

her scam basically worked like this..

i would come home from bar-tending or waiting tables with pockets full of cash and coins..

she would come in real early the next day while i was still sleeping.. say noon or so.. and snake all the change..

and when i woke up and tried to protest, she’d say something about needing the quarters for the laundry..

if i had ever done my own laundry i would have known it didn’t cost $200 a week to wash her clothes and the 2 pair of jeans and 3 shirts i owned..

if you ask her about this now, she’ll say there was an element of extortion to this arrangement..

in other words, she was taking all my money in exchange for not telling our folks how i was spending my time..

something about copius adult beverages..

i would contest this assertion if i had a little better memory set from the time period in question..

there’s a new disaster show on cbs..

it’s called jericho..

it’s a show about disaster, in the form of nuclear war.. or nuclear accident.. or something.. i’ll let you know about 6 seasons from now when they get around to spoon-feeding us that part of the plot..

but it also happens to be a disaster..

first of all, the lead actor thinks the essence of fine acting is stretching your eyes around and blinking as hard as possible 18 times a scene.. sort of the “goose in a hailstorm” approach to the craft.. (an old friend of our family used to use the same phrase to describe my baseball catching style)..

secondly, i would try to recount for you all of the holes in the plot and technical details but i’d have to put it all in some kind of database to keep it straight and it would probably fill up the hard drive on this server..

let’s just say the show is aptly named.. because every episode, just like the walls of the ancient city of jericho, the plot comes tumbling down..

which, honestly, i could probably stand if they would just hit us with some real disaster stuff..

i love disaster fiction.. and disaster non-fiction for that matter..

i just like disasters..

i like thinking about “what would you do if” stuff..

you know..

“how would i survive?”

“where would we go if someone blew up all the cities?”

that kind of stuff..

jericho answers all of these questions..

turns out in case of nuclear disaster we all will likely fall into very cliche and stereotypical categories of people..

some of us will be mysterious and dark leading men.. some will be strikingly beautiful talk of the town women.. others will take over the much needed role of clever jokesters who keep things light and fun - these folks will usually not be seen much until a few seconds after every really heavy event in our lives..

and there will be heavy events, believe me..

usually 2 or 3 a day - someone will get stuck in a well.. or a mine.. or something.. and it will take all the ingenuity and ridiculously contrived technology we can muster to save them all..

and we’ll all walk around saying things like “we can’t do that! it’s too dangerous!” and “we need to get those people out of there!” and “oh no you don’t! i’m going with you!!”..

that last one is always such a treat for me..

just once i’d like to see a scene in a movie or tv show where the lead male character decides to do something really heroic and stupid and the lead female says “uh.. go ahead.. but i’m not going with you.. no thanks buddy..”

i have a whole list of things that are wrong and dumb about this show but i won’t bore you with them..

a lot of them wouldn’t make sense if you haven’t seen jericho, and my guess is most of you will be lucky and or smart enough to dodge that bullet..

not me.. i’m stuck with it..

i have to watch it now..

not only to see what happens to the fine folks of jericho, kansas..

but also to see just how bad a tv show can get..

because i think this one has the potential to be one of the worst ever..

as shows about disasters go, it’s probably not at the top of my list..

as shows that are disasters..

this one could be katrina..